Today is Thanksgiving and I find myself in a place I never expected to be. The holiday that usually brings warmth, laughter, and gratitude feels so heavy and hollow. To be honest, I don’t feel like celebrating at all. My appetite has seemed to vanish and all I want to do is sleep the day away, cocooned in the silence of my grief.
It’s been almost two months since I lost my mother to Covid-19. The pain of her absence is still raw, a wound that refuses to heal. The pandemic has turned our world upside down, stealing not just my mother, but also friends and loved ones. Each loss compounds the sorrow, leaving me feeling isolated in my grief.
Before my mother’s passing, I also faced the heart-wrenching loss of my French bulldog. Losing her was difficult enough, but it now feels like a prelude to the deeper sorrow that followed. The companionship and joy she brought into my life are memories I cherish yet they also remind me of the void that has grown since.
So, what do you do when you want to give up? This question echoes in my mind as I navigate through this Thanksgiving. I know I should be thankful for life, for the moments I shared with my mother, and for the love that still surrounds me. Yet, the weight of grief makes it hard to feel that gratitude fully.
I find myself questioning my purpose. What is my purpose now that the people I held dear are gone? I just can’t think right now. The fog of sorrow clouds my mind, making it difficult to see beyond the pain.
As I sit here, I remind myself that it’s okay to feel this way. Grief is a journey and it doesn’t follow a set timeline. On this Thanksgiving, I may not be celebrating in the traditional sense, but I acknowledge my feelings and honor the memories of those I’ve lost.
To anyone else who is struggling this holiday season, know that you’re not alone. It’s okay to grieve, to feel lost, and to take time for yourself. Perhaps, in that space, we can find a flicker of hope to guide us through the darkness. Does life get better or does it get easier with time? I can’t seem to find the strength to feel happy because I just think of my mom. Happy Thanksgiving, even if it doesn’t feel happy at all.
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