Showing posts with label Story. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Story. Show all posts

Tuesday, August 20, 2019

Your story is only beginning

One bad chapter in your life doesn't mean your story is over. It means your story has character, meaning, and is only beginning. There will be seconds, minutes, moments, hours, and even days you will wake up and endure one of your worst chapters. 


Life is a book of endless experiences that range from a pristine utopia to a sadistic nightmare. And only you can dictate your life. So unless those people who belittle you for whatever reason are willing to read your entire book, they cannot judge you nor define you. Because in the end, those who live in glass houses should not throw stones, as those people tend to blame you for their own foibles and shortcomings which only define them.

There will be people who use you, there will be people who abuse you, and there will be people who lose you. You will be betrayed, you will be lied to, you will be manipulated, and you will be left behind. There will be people who love you, hate you, or simply 'nothing' you. And speaking of hate, it is a well known fact that there are people in this world who will hate you. In fact, you will meet several in your life. And sometimes those who hate you, will hate you because of the way other people love you. Remember, you have absolutely nothing to prove. Let them have an opinion of you because at the end of the day, what others think of you is none of your business. 

And speaking of business, you cannot undermine a human's natural right to speak. Whether good or bad, you cannot control what another human being says or how another human being reacts, but you can; however, choose how you want to respond to them. Remember, you are in charge. If you are thinking negatively, you are attracting negative. If you are thinking prosperity, you are attracting happiness and security. Eventually all of those wonderful thoughts will turn into greatness and incredible things will manifest as a result. 

You have so much love within your soul, give some to yourself before you give any of it to someone else. The answer is not within the solution, as the solution is never to be cold and bitter let alone ruthless and oafish. And separating right from wrong, as well as, dissecting wrong from right is relatively chasmic and will only make you feel miserable. Ruination (and rumination) will only bring you down, especially if you overthink yourself into an oblivious brain freeze. The solution is simple: to forgive and to love deeper. To love more profoundly. 

My life is a paradox. My life is a journey--not a race. Your life is a journey--not a race. Everything and everyone you have loved, are currently loving and will love in the future--you may lose eventually. So, the best thing you can do is trust your journey, love the life you live and live the life you love. It is not only the best thing you can do, it is the only thing you can do. 

These are my thoughts for today. Now I must go to work. Have a wonderful day! 

Friday, January 15, 2016

StoryTime: Hit by a car

It was a Tuesday afternoon. June 8, 2010 seemed like any other day, until my life changed forever. As an active volunteer of the local Humane Society, I wanted to use my free time to help them. I had off of work, so I took advantage of the day off. At around 1:20 pm MT I headed there to take pictures of the cats, so I could upload them online in an effort to get them adopted. 

The weather was quite warm yet sunny with a light breeze. I guess you could say it was a beautiful day. I lived about a half a mile (one-way) away from the shelter, so I decided to take my mountain bike. I felt this sense of anticipation, but never felt reluctant nor did I get a feeling something would happen which would ultimately change my life forever.

I decided to cross the road at an intersection which was nearly a few blocks away. Some days the shelter was busy, so the traffic at the intersection near the shelter is almost unpredictable. As I continued, I noticed a trailblazer. I didn't think much of this vehicle, until it hit me.  

One of my biggest fears in life was getting hit by a car. In fact, I had a nightmare a few months prior to this happening, that I was hit by a car. As she hit the gas to increase the velocity of the large SUV, without noticing me crossing, she struck me. I basically went flying into the air. My bike virtually busted in half instantaneously and I landed on my side, where I forced myself to get back up.

I felt as if all my emotions were wrapped around each other in a plethora of shock. The adrenaline was quite evident; however, when I looked at myself I was covered in hematoma bruises. The driver of the trailblazer was crying and didn't know what to do. She kept apologizing, as she was fidgeting. As I wiped away my tears, I looked at her and told her that I forgave her. 

I was so in shock. My only thought was "did this just happen?" A few people who drove by stopped to see if I was ok. About 5 minutes later, the police showed up followed by an ambulance. Apparently several people reported the accident, hence why they showed up so swiftly. I went in a car with a family member who showed up and went directly to the hospital where I limped into the ER. 

When you are in shock, you don't feel pain. In fact, it's almost as if you are a zombie with a lot of adrenaline. Almost a state of confusion, but being well aware of what just happened. I am not sure if my emotions were fighting each other, but as soon as I got into the hospital, I almost fell to the floor before crawling into the hospital bed. I have a high pain tolerance, so my rating was about an 8 out of 10. 

As the nurse hooked me up to an IV, I was given pain medication. If I can remember, it was Morphine. The pain kind of merged into shock and once again, I felt like a lifeless yet emotionless zombie. I knew I wasn't dying, but my mind was clear. I had to pinch myself to see if I was still alive because everything hit me all at once. I could only question - Did I get hit by a car? How did I get hit by an SUV? The only thing I could do at this point was be grateful that I survived because most people do not. 

Today, it is 2016. I have had to endure quite a few things since then, but nothing as big nor traumatic as this. I can honestly admit that I am stronger than ever and getting hit by the trailblazer has changed my life. How? I have learned to not only love my life, but appreciate it much more so. Hello world, my name is Sarah Afshar and I survived getting hit by a car.

Thursday, January 15, 2015

Storytime: I dated an UFC fighter

In July of 2010, I met an UFC fighter. We started talking and dating shortly after. At the time, it was around the middle of Summer so it was shortly after I was hit by a car in June. He and I would talk about virtually everything including the cheesy martial arts movie called "No Retreat, No Surrender" which was about a starving martial artist who learned to fight by Bruce Lee coming into his dreams. If you love martial arts, you know this movie. There was never a dull moment in the beginning of our relationship. He was funny and always had great things to say. At least, at this time.

Days later, I started receiving awkward messages from different women including an illegal immigrant named Erlinda, who told me she hooked up with him while he was dating me. When I questioned him about it, he said he hooked up with her earlier in the year months before he ever met me. I know this will sound judgmental and even off topic, but I guess "hooking up" is the normal thing among people who are trash, but to me, I found it repulsive as I find sex to be special. Then, he and I decided to connect our relationship statuses on Facebook shortly before he told me he blocked her. He, then insisted that I do the same. I was actually shocked he would hook up with such a person considering he is conservative.

Shortly after, I discovered his roommate Amber Cordelli had a thing for him, as he told me about it when he would complain about her to me. He said he had no interest in her and only saw her as a friend. He also said she wasn't his cup of tea and made it clear he wasn't a fan of her aesthetics nor physique. I didn't really push the envelop nor ask him more about it, as I trusted him. I did find it odd how he would complain about this person yet was living with her. It just didn't make any sense. I also didn't know her and had no reason to judge her or draw any conclusions about her. It is baffling what he shared with me about this individual, but looking back at it now, the person was nothing more than a shadowy nobody.

When he wouldn't call me, he would be teaching martial arts at a local MMA gym in the Sterling, Virginia area where he lived. I flew to Washington DC in October of 2010 about two weeks after my birthday. He greeted me at the airport where he couldn't keep his hands off of me. I am not a fan of PDA (or public displays of affection), so as much as I tried to resist his advances, he just kept kissing me. I am an optimistic woman, so I didn't want to tell him how inappropriate he was being as I really liked him at the time. And after all, we were in a relationship.

I met his roommate Amber the same night. She was still up when I showed up in the night. As I shook her hand, all I could think about was what he told me about her. I tried not to stare at her nor say anything, so I bit my tongue before smiling and murmuring "it is so nice to meet you". I felt quite awkward meeting her. Why? Because he told me she had a thing for him and the type of person she was. It was very weird how he and his friends would attack this woman. I will never forget eating at PF Changs in Fairfax where he and his friends would attack her and say she had a "beer belly". I actually took the initiative and told them to stop bullying her before attempting to change the subject to a more positive nature. I don't care how ignorant a person is, judging their appearance is just really sad. And on a more serious note, I was starting to see the UFC fighter's true colors the more I would hang out with him.

In spite of the weird vibes I got from him, it was nice to take a vacation from work to see him. The next day we got into a fight over something so minor. I cannot even remember what it was about as it was years ago. I only remember feeling a strong disconnect from him and could only think to myself "is this man for real?" I didn't want to say too much because I know not everyone is perfect and perhaps he would was having a bad day. We hung out everyday for a week. After the third day, I felt like I just didn't want to be with this person anymore simply because I didn't like how he acted and I felt like I was being lied to. We flew to Boston on the fourth day while I was there and he complained about everything including people he was friends with the entire time. It was just very weird to me.

He would gossip about virtually everyone and I didn't understand it. He was extremely negative and his energy was starting to kind of rub off on me. I was picking up quite a few red flags including deception based on just this, but tried not to overthink much about it. One thing I noticed was he was extremely dependent and had little-to-no money. On the phone he made promises to take me shopping, but in person he had no money. Most of the time, I would pay for everything. One time we ate out with a friend of his and he literally ate the pasta off of my plate when I wasn't finished eating. It was just so strange to me.

I'm thinking if a UFC fighter is not successful and they don't have money, they create an image for them self that is distorted or simply not real. They create false hope. I am not a gold digger by any means, but at least be honest instead of creating an image for yourself and making promises you simply cannot keep. You know what I mean? He belittled several of his friends and the only thing I could think was "if he is talking bad about them, he must be talking bad about you to others also." I didn't know whether or not what he said was true or false, but one thing is certain, I started to think he was talking about me behind my back. Something just wasn't right, but I didn't really know what it was hence why I tried not to overthink so much. I have a huge heart and I didn't want to create any disdain or rectify the situation to make matters any worse. Perhaps there was a reason why he acted this way, I don't know.

Two days before I was scheduled to fly back to Montana, we had a great day as we spent the entire day at Tyson's Corner mall. Then, we decided to meet with his friend Mark for dinner. Some how the illegal immigrant was brought up in the conversation from what I remember. It was very inappropriate of his friend to bring this person up, considering this person tried to create so many weird problems. His friend proceeded to mention some girl named Quyen. I looked over at my now ex and saw him make gestures like "no" or "shhhh". When I used his phone to make a phone call, I saw the name several times in the call history. When I originally saw the name, I literally didn't think anything of it until now. That is when I discovered his deception. His true deception. He was talking to other women while telling me I was the only woman. This was while he was telling me that he loved only me. 

I started getting bad vibes virtually immediately and was thinking of a way to get out of the relationship without it becoming a mess. I just knew instantly that I wanted out. I didn't want to create any drama nor make him hate me. I just wanted out. His computer was filled with some unattractive woman wearing a corset (which I had asked him about when he turned it on, the day after I got there). He claimed he didn't know how to delete the pictures and the pictures were just sent to him by a UFC groupie. I started thinking about when I asked him about it originally, the second day I was there. Then, I remembered the video of the big Jerry Springer girl dancing in Florida which he had saved. I was starting to get physically ill over what this man was doing, but I didn't want to fight with him. I simply didn't want to be with him anymore. 

I completely ignored him on the car ride home. He accused me of shutting down because I ignored him and didn't tell him that I knew he was being unfaithful. We got into a huge argument the moment we reached his apartment. I cried because I felt betrayed just before telling him what I truly felt about him and the women he cheated on me with. The next day, I told him that I couldn't do this anymore and I didn't want this relationship anymore. He said "Sarah, don't do this" but I made my mind up that it was over. I could have ignored his lack of manners, lack of class and dependent persona, but the infidelity I could not. Cheating is a sin that one cannot ignore, even if you love the person.

As much as I wanted this to work, I realized that I had no connection with him, as I didn't see him as relationship material. To me, loyalty is everything and he wasn't someone I could ever see myself with. I didn't trust him after that at all. Without trust, a relationship is technically non-existent. A relationship without trust is like the earth without the sun. That same day we argued, I decided to pack up my belongings and wait for him to take me to the hotel. He allegedly was talking to Amber his roommate. And looking back at it now, my guess was he was doing much more than talking that day. Gross right?

I waited for an hour before he took me to the Crowne Plaza hotel where I stayed overnight until I caught my plane ride back to Montana. I made him purposely pay for the hotel, as he owed me that for all of the horrible things he did. All of the horrible things he did to me and put me through. I felt quite a few emotions that day; however, anger seemed to be embraced in more ways than one and triumphed all of them. I'm glad the fight happened though, as I learned a vital lesson. Just because someone is a fighter for the UFC, doesn't mean they are a good person. Just because a man tells you he loves you, doesn't mean he does. That night, I went to the hotel restaurant where I had a Long Island Tea, veggie burger and fries. I met some wonderful people there including Steve Wozniack and Ron Wayne, who actually were so nice and helped me with my bags the next day when going into the shuttle bus to the airport.

The UFC fighter texted me once I landed back in Montana, but I never wrote back. I was just done and wanted nothing from him nor anything to do with him anymore. He started harassing my friends, including my friends Billy Housh and Peter Stukas, shortly after. But in spite of his banal intimidation efforts, I still continued to ignore him. Then, his roommate Amber started harassing me on social media asking if I sent packages to her place for him. This was a lie either he created or she created, as he said she had a thing for him. I didn't even know of his address, as I deleted his number and everything about him from my life. He even had the audacity to call me while being intimate with another woman about a month later, blaring the song "Doin It" by LL Cool J. Real mature right? I blocked him completely from my life. I could never bring myself to ever contact him, as there was simply nothing there. Once a cheater, always a cheater and I was just done.