In the tapestry of life, there are threads that shine brighter than others and for me, that thread was my mother—Susan. She was a beacon of love, light, strength, and resilience. Her journey through life was filled with moments of joy, laughter, and an unwavering commitment to her family. However, the dark shadow of Covid-19 cast a pall over our lives and the loss of my mother is a reminder of the fragility of life and the profound impact the pandemic had on my entire family.
The Beginning of a Tragedy
It all began in early September 2021 when my mom and stepdad attended a church gathering. My stepdad unknowingly brought home the virus that would change our lives forever. Shortly after, he fell ill, and my mother, the ever the devoted partner, slept beside him in bed. It wasn’t long before she too began to feel the effects of the virus. I remember the phone call vividly when she told me she felt sick. My heart sank as I realized the gravity of the situation.
I decided to visit them, hoping to provide some comfort and support. However, in a cruel twist of fate, I contracted Covid-19 during my visit. Thankfully, I was able to recover quickly using photobiomodulation therapy and red wine, but that is for another blog post. My focus is on my mother. She was getting worse by the day.
A Heart-Wrenching Goodbye
As I spoke to my mother on the phone, I could hear the fear in her voice. She told me she felt like she was going to die and wished me a wonderful life. Those words echoed in my mind, a haunting premonition of what was to come. Shortly after, she was admitted to the small hospital in the small town of Weiser, Idaho where she would fight for her life.
I wanted to be there for her, to hold her hand, and to tell her everything would be okay, but visits were not allowed due to the pandemic restrictions. In a desperate attempt to see her, I decided to get vaccinated, hoping it would allow me to visit her. I was against the vaccine originally due to it being a rush job; however, I wanted to see her, but even that effort was in vain.
Days turned into weeks and I was left in a state of anxiety and despair, fearing the worst. I had a nightmare six months prior where I lost her and now that fear felt all too real. I tried to reach the hospital directly, but my calls were met with frustration and indifference from burnt-out staff. It was a helpless feeling, knowing my mother was fighting for her life and I couldn’t be there for her. She was all alone. I would spend hours relentlessly trying to call her cell phone and was met with the infamous straight to voicemail message.
The Final Days
Then came the call that shattered my world. A doctor informed me that my mother had refused to be intubated. This was the moment I realized the severity of her condition. I felt a mix of anger and helplessness as I learned about the medications she was being given, which seemed to complicate her recovery rather than aid it. I tried to advocate for her, but it felt like I was fighting against a system that didn’t understand her. Additionally, this same doctor waited weeks to intubate her despite promising her the same day she was life flighted that they would.
On October 1st, around 4:30 pm, I received a call from my mother. Her voice was weak and she told me she was tired of fighting. She missed her mother, my grandmother, who had passed away in 2004. In that moment, I felt a deep sense of loss and despair. I tried to encourage her to continue fighting, but I knew she was at a breaking point. She expressed her pride in me, her gratitude, and her love. “Sarah, I’m so proud of you. I love you so much.” Those words would be the last I would ever hear from her, other than “goodbye” which she rarely ever said.
Two hours later, I received the devastating news that she had coded. I remember the overwhelming wave of nausea that hit me as I processed the reality of losing my mother. I ran to the bathroom, threw up, and passed out. I felt like I was in a bad dream, one where everything was blurred and surreal. The woman who had been my guiding light was gone, leaving an unfillable void in my life.
The Legacy of Love
My mother, Susan, was an incredible woman. She was kind, compassionate, and fiercely devoted to her family and to God. Her laughter could light up a room and her hugs felt like home. Losing her has been one of the most challenging experiences of my life and her absence is a constant reminder of the darkness that Covid-19 brought into our lives.
As I navigate through the grief years later, I find solace in the memories we shared. I cherish the lessons she taught me, the love she gave, and the strength she instilled in me. Her spirit lives on in my heart and I will forever honor her memory.
In reflecting on this tragedy, I am reminded of the importance of connection, love, and the fragility of life. Covid-19 has changed the world including humanity in unimaginable ways and my mother’s passing is a testament to the impact it has had on countless families like my own.
It has been years now and as I continue to heal from this profound loss, I hold onto the love and memories of my mother, Susan. She was an extraordinary woman who touched the lives of many and her legacy will live on through the stories we share and the love we carry in our hearts. I will never forget her and I will always strive to make her proud by living a wonderful life.
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