As I sit here, tears cascading down my cheeks, I grapple with the weight of writing this blog post. It feels almost absurd to write about something as trivial as taste when my heart is shrouded in an unbearable grief. Just a week ago, I lost my mother to COVID-19 and the enormity of that loss feels like a chasm that I will never be able to cross. She was my anchor in a tumultuous world, the one who understood me in ways no one else could. The love I have for her is so profound, and now, in her absence, I feel so adrift and hollow.
During the time she was battling the virus, I too fell victim to its grasp. In a moment of desperation, I resorted to an unorthodox and unconventional approach to treat myself—something that would likely raise eyebrows among medical professionals. It felt like a last-ditch effort, a flicker of hope in a darkened room. But guess what? It worked. A few weeks later, I received my first dose of the Pfizer vaccine on September 30, 2021, and soon, I will be getting my second dose. Yet, even with this glimmer of progress, the shadows of my grief loom large.
Today, as I ate some delicious bisque, I am struck by the realization that my sense of taste has returned. It’s a bittersweet moment, a small triumph amidst the overwhelming sorrow. My sense of smell is slowly coming back too, though it lingers like a ghost—faint and elusive. These fleeting sensations remind me of the beauty that life can still offer, even when it feels like the world is crumbling around me.
I have been living with severe PTSD, a heavy burden that has accumulated over the years, exacerbated by the recent loss of my mother. Her death has unearthed every traumatic experience I thought I had buried, forcing me to confront the demons I have long avoided. In this moment of vulnerability, I have made the decision to seek therapy for the first time. There is no shame in acknowledging that I need help; rather, it is a courageous step toward healing.
Life, in all its complexity, is beautiful, even when it feels unbearably heavy. I find myself yearning for solace, for understanding, and I humbly ask for your prayers as I continue on in this tumultuous journey. I know that, in time, the weight of this grief will lessen, but for now, I am left to grapple with the profound sadness that envelops me. Thank you for being here as I share this intimate part of my story with you.
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