As I sit down to write this blog post on Thanksgiving, I can’t shake the feeling that this year is particularly heavy. It’s hard to muster the usual excitement that comes with the holiday. While I know I should be grateful, I find myself overwhelmed by the weight of loss and sadness that seems to hang in the air like a thick fog.
If I’m being honest, this Thanksgiving isn’t the best. It’s not terrible either. I’m thankful for the roof over my head, the clothes I’m wearing, and the food on my table, but those comforts feel almost hollow this year. The absence of my mother looms large today, despite being gone for over four years now. This is the fifth Thanksgiving without her and it’s hard to feel the warmth of gratitude when the ache of her loss is so profound. Seasonal Affective Disorder has settled in, deepening the shadows of my heart and I find myself sleeping more than I’d like to admit. Today, my appetite is almost nonexistent, a major contrast to the feasts that usually fill this day with joy.
Thanksgiving has always been a time for connection, for gathering with loved ones and sharing laughter and stories. But this year, it feels like a reminder of what’s missing. I can’t help, but feel the weight of loneliness, even in a season meant for togetherness, but I’m hanging in there. The memories of past Thanksgivings flood my mind and I’m left grappling with the bittersweet reality of what was and what is now.
In an attempt to distract myself, I’ve been working on setting up several new ventures including my new online store. I thought it might bring me some joy, a sense of purpose amidst the sadness. I listed five items as a test and managed to sell three within one day out of the five I listed total, which is a small victory, but it feels overshadowed by the heaviness in my heart. I know I won’t be ready for Black Friday and Cyber Monday this year, but I hold onto the hope that next year will be different. If any of you readers sell on platforms like Poshmark or 1stDibs or Grailed or Depop or eBay, I’m curious—how many items do you list in total? How much do you list daily? I know I should be focused more on the holiday today—Thanksgiving, but my mind keeps wandering to these thoughts, trying to find something to cling to. I could use a drink, but I don’t want to drink. Even a glass of wine makes me drunk and I don’t like that feeling.
Despite it all, today is still a day meant for love and appreciation. It’s a reminder to be thankful, even when it feels difficult. So, as I reflect on this complicated mix of emotions, I wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving. May you find warmth and comfort in the people around you and may we all hold onto the beauty of this day, even when it feels overwhelming.
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