Our relationship was great. At least I thought it was in the beginning. We had communication and would frequently talk. We had a lot in common. Well, at least I thought when the relationship originally started. As the days passed, I started receiving awkward messages from different women on Facebook regarding this man. One of them was from an illegal immigrant named Erlinda--an out of shape, mentally stunted stalker who told me she hooked up with him while he was dating me. It was awkward and so random. I had no idea who this person was nor any idea why they chose to contact me, considering my relationship with the UFC fighter was discreet. Apparently, this unhinged person also messaged other friends of his; however, it is hard to say if this is true as it's clear he was quite the storyteller. I did not learn this fact until later on. Anyways, when I questioned him about it, he admitted to me that he hooked up with her earlier in the year, months before he ever met me. It was shortly after his fight. I know this is off-topic and may sound a bit judgmental, but I guess "hooking up" is the normal thing among people who are trash, but to me, I found it repulsive as I find intimacy to be special. After I was furious regarding his past tryst with the UFC groupie, he and I decided to connect our relationship statuses on Facebook shortly before he told me he blocked her. Then, he insisted that I do the same. I was actually shocked he would hook up with such a person considering he is conservative with values and standards, but that is irrelevant. I don't like gauging people, but she was certainly detritus.
Shortly after, I discovered his roommate Amber had a thing for him, as he told me about it when he would complain about her to me. He said he had no interest in her and only saw her as a friend. He made it crystal clear relentlessly and simultaneously that she wasn't his cup of tea and that he wasn't a fan of her aesthetic and personality. I didn't really push the envelop nor ask him more about it, as I didn't want to light any fire let alone add fuel to one that may have potentially already been lit. I did find it odd how he would complain about this person yet was living with her at the time. It just didn't make any sense. I also didn't know her and had no reason to judge her nor draw any conclusions about her. It is baffling what he shared with me about this individual, but looking back at it now, the person was nothing more than a shadowy nobody who gave him a place to stay.
When he wouldn't call me, he would be teaching martial arts at a local MMA gym in the Sterling, Virginia area where he lived. I flew to Washington D.C. in October of 2010 about two weeks after my birthday. He greeted me at the airport where he couldn't keep his hands off of me. I am not a fan of PDA (or public displays of affection), so as much as I tried to resist his advances, he just kept kissing me. I am an optimistic woman, so I didn't want to tell him how inappropriate he was being as I really liked him at the time. After all, we were in a relationship.
I met his roommate Amber the same night. She was still up when I showed up in the night. As I shook her hand, all I could think about was what he told me about her. I tried not to stare at her nor say anything, so I bit my tongue before smiling and murmuring "it is so nice to meet you." I felt quite awkward meeting her. Why? Because he told me she had a thing for him and the type of person she was. It was very weird how he and his friends would attack this woman. I will never forget eating at P.F. Chang's in Fairfax where he and his friends would attack her and say she had a "beer belly". I actually took the initiative of changing the subject. There was a song playing and I was curious to know the name so I had his friend look it up using the Shazam app. I don't care how ignorant a person is, judging their appearance is just really sad especially for entertainment purposes. On a more serious note, I was starting to see the UFC fighter's true colors the more I would hang out with him. It was starting to turn me off.
Despite the weird vibes I got from him, it was nice to take a vacation from work. At the time I was working as a business development manager for a now defunct oil business in Montana, so I never really had any time off. The next day we got into a fight over something so minor. I cannot even remember what it was about as it was years ago. I only remember feeling a strong disconnect from him and could only think to myself "is this man for real?" I didn't want to say too much because I knew he wasn't perfect and perhaps he was having a bad day. He told me he went to some camp thing and felt like he was getting sick. We hung out everyday for a week. After the third day, I felt like I just didn't want to be with this person anymore simply because I didn't like how they acted. Also, I felt like he was being deceptive. Call it razor sharp intuition or just assumption, but something was a little off. We flew to Boston on the fourth day I was there and he complained about everyone and everything including people he was friends with the entire time. It was just very weird to me. It left a very gross taste in my mouth and I truly got bad vibes about it, but I tried not to get too anxious over it because it was evident he was venting.
He would gossip about virtually everyone he knew and honestly, I didn't understand it. Even a guy named Joe he claimed to be friend's with who was important within the Ultimate Fighting Championship organization. One time he actually had the audacity to complain about a guy who held a seminar right in front of the guy's student. It just didn't make any sense considering the guy paid for almost everything including the hotel room, food, transportation, etc. He was extremely negative and his energy was starting to kind of rub off on me. I was picking up quite a few red flags including deceit and underhandedness based on this, but I tried not to overthink much about it. He said he had a back injury and was experiencing vertigo, so I just thought those two health issues were related to his mood. He also said he felt sick because he went to some camp and it was cold and raining. One thing I noticed was he was extremely dependent and had little-to-no money. On the phone, he made promises to take me shopping for my birthday, but in person he had no money. Most of the time, I would pay for everything. One time we ate out with a friend of his and he literally ate the pasta off of my plate when I wasn't finished eating. It was just so strange to me.
I'm thinking if a UFC fighter is not successful and they don't have money, they create an image for them self that is distorted or simply not real. They are treacherous and create some sort of subterfuge to get what they want. I am not a gold digger by any means, but at least be honest instead of hoodwinking someone you claim to love. Perhaps that was a lie too. I'm certain it was. He belittled several of his friends to me and the only thing I could think was "if he is talking bad about them, he must be talking bad about you to others also." I didn't know whether or not what he said was true or false, but one thing is certain, I started to think he was talking about me behind my back. Something just wasn't right, but I didn't really know what it was hence why I tried not to overthink so much. Overthinking is rumination. It won't help anything related to a relationship suffering. I will admit, I have a huge heart and I didn't want to create any disdain or rectify the situation to make matters any worse. Perhaps there was a reason why he acted this way. I don't know.
Two days before I was scheduled to fly back to Montana, we had a great day. At least I thought it was a great day. We spent the entire day at Tyson's Corner mall. Then, we decided to meet with his friend Mark for dinner. I never met Mark, but I could tell he had ulterior motives when I met him because the UFC fighter told me he wanted him to date his friend Quyen. His friend had an Asian fixation and represented the classic archetype of those caucasian men who frequent Asian pacific lands for imperialism and control. The kind that move to Asia if they could. I have many Asian friends and a lot of them would tell me about the Americans who would gravitate to Asian pacific areas for ulterior motives. During dinner, somehow the internet stalker was brought up into the conversation. It was very inappropriate of the UFC fighter's friend to bring this person up, considering this person tried to create so many weird problems for our relationship. It was very awkward. His friend proceeded to mention some girl named Quyen. I looked over at my now ex during this time and I saw him make gestures like "no" or "shhhh" to his friend, as if he didn't want me to know anything. When I used his phone to make a phone call the night before, I saw the name several times in the call history. When I originally saw the name, I literally didn't think anything of it until now. That is when I discovered his true deception. He was talking to other women behind my back. This is while telling me I was the only woman in his life. This was while he was telling me that he loved only me.
I guess you could say I started getting bad vibes virtually immediately and was thinking of a way to get out of the relationship without it becoming a mess. I just knew instantly that I wanted out. I didn't want to create any drama nor make him hate me. I didn't want the situation to escalate into something more. I just wanted out. I started to think of the other things he would share with me. The things I discovered when I originally landed in our nation's capital to see him. When I went to use his computer, I noticed that his computer was filled with some unattractive, nasty woman wearing a corset (which I had asked him about when he turned it on, the day after I got there). He claimed he didn't know how to delete the pictures and the pictures were just sent to him by a UFC groupie. The woman kind of resembled Erlinda, as both shared the same jungle pits and bar haggard face. Like a nappier, more hideous version of Snooki from Jersey Shore. I started thinking about when I asked him about the photos originally, the second day I was there. Then, I remembered the video of the big Jerry Springer girl dancing in Florida which he had saved and refused to delete. A woman who looked like an out-of-shape schlump with blonde hair dancing at some sort of club outside on a beach. I was starting to get physically ill over what this man was doing, but I didn't want to fight with him over it. I simply didn't want to be with him anymore.
I completely ignored him on the car ride home. He accused me of shutting down because I ignored him during the entire car ride and because I didn't tell him that I knew he was being unfaithful and cheating on me. We got into a huge argument the moment we reached his apartment. I cried because I felt betrayed just before telling him what I truly felt about him and the women he cheated on me with. He had his cell phone out also as if he were recording me. It was very discombobulated. I suspect he did it because he had a thing for humiliating women and had the intent to post the video online. It was just more examples of his explosively abusive behavior. The next day, I immediately found my center and I told him that I couldn't be in a relationship with him anymore. He told me to go to a hotel and think things through. I did not want to think anything because I made up my mind. I didn't want this relationship anymore and I told him that I just couldn't do this anymore. He said "Sarah, don't do this" but I made my mind up that it was over. I could have ignored his lack of manners, lack of class, dirty clothes, and dependent persona, but the infidelity I could not. Cheating is a sin that one cannot ignore, even if you love the person or want a relationship to last. I wanted the relationship, but I knew if I would have stayed with him it would have ruined the person I am today.
As much as I wanted the relationship to work, I realized that I had no connection with him, as I didn't see him as relationship material. To me, loyalty is everything and he wasn't someone I could ever see myself with. I didn't trust him after that. I did not trust him at all. Without trust, a relationship is technically non-existent and all of the chemistry, compatibility, communication, and connection you had with that person quickly dissolves. The love eventually fades into a memory and those traumatic and painful memories eventually end completely. A relationship without trust is like the earth without the sun. That same day we argued, I decided to pack up my belongings and wait for him to take me to the hotel. He allegedly was talking to his roommate Amber. And looking back at it now, it was a little suspicious.
I waited for almost two hours before he took me to the Crowne Plaza hotel in Arlington where I stayed overnight until I caught my plane ride back to Montana. I made him purposely pay for the hotel, as he owed me that for all of the horrible things he did to me and put me through. I felt quite a few emotions that day; however, anger seemed to be embraced in more ways than one and triumphed all of them. I'm glad the fight happened though, as I learned a vital lesson. Just because a man tells you he loves you, doesn't mean he does. Just because a man fights in the UFC doesn't mean he is a good person. That night, I went to the hotel restaurant where I had a Long Island Tea, a veggie burger, and fries. Most of you already know--I don't usually drink, but I felt like I needed a cocktail that night. After all, I was sad and heartbroken. I felt shattered, but I met some wonderful people there the following day including Steve from Apple and Ron formerly from Apple, who actually were so nice and helped me with my bags the next day when going into the shuttle bus to the airport as I chatted with them before they attended a business meeting in the area.
After I caught my flight to go home, the UFC fighter texted me once I landed back in Montana, but I never responded back. I was hurt and just done and wanted nothing from him nor anything to do with him anymore. He was toxic and I was devastated by what he did to me. I felt hurt and I felt used. I've never really been cheated on and I felt like this person compromised my value as a person. I stopped eating and didn't eat any food for at least two-to-three weeks after the relationship failed. During this time, I developed an eating disorder. That's another story. Anyways, I guess you could say that it took a major toll on my psyche. The UFC fighter started harassing my friends shortly after. They included Billy Housh and Peter Stukas. Ironically both had bad vibes about him originally. I usually disregard what others say, but I think their preconceived notions were accurate. Regardless, despite his banal yet predictable efforts to intimidate me, I still continued to ignore him. I did not have the time to engage, as I was a business development manager full-time and took on a full-time gig doing makeup artistry. Then, his roommate Amber (who is apparently trashing me and lying about me all over social media using the alias "bacon") started harassing me on social media asking if I sent packages to her place for him. This was a lie either he created or she created, as he said she had a thing for him. I didn't even know of his address, as I deleted his number and everything about him from my life. She also contacted me using her real name on Facebook and here on my blog using the Bacon alias when I auditioned for X-Factor, which you can read about that experience here.
Furthermore, the woman who originally told me she "hooked up" with my now ex contacted me once again to harass me. I responded to her before blocking her virtually immediately. Then, the mentally diminutive stool took her harassment a step further and contacted friends of mine via Facebook to tell them that I am a terrorist and evil. I had my profile public at the time, so I had to make it private. 'Erlinda' also did not hesitate to use other vulgar detestation to support her coercion. Because she is uneducated with less brain cells than a dying house plant, the hood hooker proceeded to fling out weird innuendo that was creepy. She also proceeded to utilize banal racial slurs that were so redundant and gross because I am Iranian-American. One of my friends who happens to be a conservative, African-American woman responded to her. All Erlinda could do was use racial slurs, accuse the woman of being me, and block her. It was so weird and so random, but had no affect in my life nor the lives of my friends as I was too busy to care. My friends were also just as busy and treated Erlinda as nothing more than an obsessed MMA groupie and 'dirty deeds done dirt cheap' home wrecker. It just made me realize how desperate the UFC fighter must have been to hook up with such an abominable subhuman.
To add more fuel to the fire, the UFC fighter even had the audacity to call me while being intimate with another woman about a month later, blaring the song "Doin It" by LL Cool J. It was either with Quyen, Erlinda, or a girl named Ammie. Mature right? I blocked him completely from my life. I knew he tried to hurt me, but it didn't work because I knew the kind of person he was and realized then he wasn't who I wanted to be with. He told me he was drama-free, but he never was. He had more baggage than the Denver and Chicago airport combined. Also, he did not offer anything I needed, unless you consider a nightmare something of value. I was depressed and extremely sad over something I could not control (his infidelity being the biggest shortcoming) only to realize I did nothing wrong for him to be so cunning and calculating. It was him and today I realize all of this. I spent time reflecting on the entire situation for a few months after the relationship failed. Sometimes I would blame myself and start thinking I was the cause of his terrible behavior, when in actuality I never was. It was him and today I realize this.
Moreover, I found out from a mutual friend that the woman I thought he was cheating on me with (Quyen) ended up being his girlfriend only a week after we broke up. Nice guy right? What a sad guy, but it wasn't my loss by any means. In fact, I could never bring myself to ever contact him again as there was simply nothing there. Once a cheater, always a cheater, and I was just completely done. When I found out he was seeing someone else, I immediately was over him. All of the love was completely gone. I don't like being negative and I usually never ever talk about ex boyfriends here on my blog; however, sometimes the truth needs to be shared. I learned a lifelong lesson, but I’m very happy everything happened the way it did as I am a firm believer everything is meant to happen the way it should. God is good, great, and amazing. Today, I’m happier than ever with a wonderful man who would never cheat and wholeheartedly loves me.
Moreover, I found out from a mutual friend that the woman I thought he was cheating on me with (Quyen) ended up being his girlfriend only a week after we broke up. Nice guy right? What a sad guy, but it wasn't my loss by any means. In fact, I could never bring myself to ever contact him again as there was simply nothing there. Once a cheater, always a cheater, and I was just completely done. When I found out he was seeing someone else, I immediately was over him. All of the love was completely gone. I don't like being negative and I usually never ever talk about ex boyfriends here on my blog; however, sometimes the truth needs to be shared. I learned a lifelong lesson, but I’m very happy everything happened the way it did as I am a firm believer everything is meant to happen the way it should. God is good, great, and amazing. Today, I’m happier than ever with a wonderful man who would never cheat and wholeheartedly loves me.
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